Dear Miss Björk (I don’t know your last name, or know if you even have one),
You are 44 today, congratulations. To be honest I’m surprised you’ve survived so long, because your music is just abysmal. Anytime one of your songs comes on the TV it makes people immediately reach for the remote to press the mute button to stop your incessant screeching (I’m sorry but I don’t class what you do as singing, you just sound like a cat being thrown about). Sadly, your appearance isn’t much better, as you also look like a cat that’s been thrown about.