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Posts Tagged ‘Birthday Mentions’

Birthday Mentions: Happy Birthday Miley Cyrus

November 23, 2009 2 comments

Dear Miss Cyrus,
Congratulations on finally turning 17. Now men around the world will feel less guilty when fantasising about you.
Please note, I am not one of these men, as I find you not only amazingly annoyingly but also mind-numbingly stupid. I feel someone should glue your mouth shut to not only stop your “singing” but also your comments which reveal the level of your stupidity;
“I’ve never heard a Jay-Z song” – Miley Cyrus, whose song ‘Party in the USA’ features the lyrics:

‘Cause when the taximan turned on the radio
And a Jay-Z song was on
And a Jay-Z song was on
And a Jay-Z song was on
So I put my hands up
They’re playin’ my song

I rest my case.

Happy birthday you waste of life.


Birthday Mentions: Happy Birthday Björk

November 21, 2009 Leave a comment

Dear Miss Björk (I don’t know your last name, or know if you even have one),

You are 44 today, congratulations. To be honest I’m surprised you’ve survived so long, because your music is just abysmal. Anytime one of your songs comes on the TV it makes people immediately reach for the remote to press the mute button to stop your incessant screeching (I’m sorry but I don’t class what you do as singing, you just sound like a cat being thrown about). Sadly, your appearance isn’t much better, as you also look like a cat that’s been thrown about.

..Happy birthday!

Birthday Mentions: Happy Birthday Whoopi Goldberg

November 13, 2009 Leave a comment

Dear Miss Goldberg,

I’d like to wish you a happy 54th (54? Really? you look about 70) birthday.

In noticing it’s your birthday, it also shows that you are still alive and [sadly] not dead.

I implore you, and pray to every god, that you will be crushed by a huge meteor one day, but I digress.

Happy 54th birthday, may it be the last birthday you share with us. (: