Ode to Roast Beef Monster Munch
Your yellow exterior, brighter than the sun,
Your intoxicating beautiful smell,
Give me a million of your kind and I will make love to each and every one.
This infatuation has developed, from a mere crush, to me proclaiming you my paramour,
My roast beef flavoured whore.
I miss you when you’re not around,
My taste buds ache, I shake, I break
Up inside.
Never leave me and I will be eternally grateful.
You are my world, my everything.. You are my roast beef Monster Munch.
Monster or..
Is the picture below a Monster or Michael Jackson?
Click to find out!
This is why I love London..
Yes this is truly why I love London. I mean, in what other city do the public transport company have to warn people that you’re not supposed to abuse the staff at train stations? Quite excellent. I for one think the staff should be abused. Anger is never a good thing to keep bottled up, so it needs to be released before it builds up even more. So, the next time you’re at a train station shout at the staff, it’s the right thing to do.
Definitions: Manwich
Manwich [man-wich]
–noun
1. A manly sandwich. An example of this is a ploughman’s.
Example: “Honey, you can’t have a bite of this, because it’s a manwich. Why don’t you make yourself a sandwich instead.”
The most ridiculous surname award goes to..
Pubate. Pronounced Pube-ate. I’ll give you a moment to chuckle.
Now that you’re done laughing, yes I was talking to someone whose surname is actually Pubate, which I found absolutely hysterical and I quite rightly mocked her as much as I could. I’m not sure how long the Pubate legacy has gone on for but surely one of those silly Pubates should have noticed that their surname is astoundingly stupid and either had it legally changed or not had any children so the Pubate name would have died with them. I’ve checked ancestry websites and there’s no record of the surname Pubate which just adds more mystery to this odd name.
To me, Pubate sounds like a product that’s used to kill pubic lice..
Panda-monium!
I’ll get straight to the point: Why the fuck don’t they make panda slippers for men-size feet?!
It is absolutely ridiculous that anything panda related is usually for girls, when men like pandas too. This sexist view from panda merchandisers is sickening. I spent hours searching for a pair of panda slippers to fit my size 12 feet, partly because my old slippers are almost completely dead and partly because I am panda crazy. I’ve recently added two webcam links on the right sidebar of my blog for the Smithsonian Institution in Washington DC, so any fellow pandanatics can get their fix of panda watching any time of day.
Back to the matter at hand, there is absolutely no website retailer out there that make panda slippers for my feet. The largest size I could find fit a size 6. A size 6?! I’d need to buy two pairs and sew them together for them to fit my feet, which is something I’m actually contemplating doing. I hope one day panda merchandisers will realise that panda lovers are male too. Pic of the slippers I want below.
Dating Tips #01: Interest & Ditch
#01: Interest & Ditch
The interest & ditch is a simple and effective process that can be used in person or online. The method is easy; Start talking to a girl, being charming and witty for about 10 mins or so, and then simply stop talking to her. You can use an abrupt stop or fade out conversation, either is fine. If in person, pretend you see a friend and leave her to go talk to them, and if using this online just don’t say anything more to her. This will give her time to think and worry and she’ll soon start interacting with you again, which means you now have the upper hand in conversation.
Top 10 Ways to get Yourself Fired
It’s Top 10 time once again, and I’ll be counting down the Top 10 Ways to get Yourself Fired.
Animals you have to see before you die: The Slightly Curious Zebra-Parrot
One of the rarest and intimidating creatures in the animal kingdom, the Slightly Curious Zebra-Parrot is a thing of sheer beauty. Legend has it that if you rub the red area above it’s beak it grants you two wishes. Many have hunted down this bird to find out if this myth is true. All of those stupid people (mostly Australian backpackers) have returned from their encounter with this animal missing fingers, toes, eyes, and in one incident, a penis. This black and white wonder is not to be underestimated. It’s not called Slightly Curious for nothing and will have no trouble exploring every orifice on your body. This deadly and devious being is without a doubt an animal you have to see before you die.
Mr KoldFire's Blog 